Tech Jokes

Why call center guys are paid so much..... 



1 ) Tech Support   : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." 
Customer   : "Ok." 
Tech Support   : "Did you get a pop-up menu?" 
Customer   : "No." 
Tech Support   : "Ok. Right click again. Do you   see a pop-up menu?" 
Customer   : "No." 
Tech Support   : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what  you have done up until this point?" 
Customer   : "Sure, you told me to write 'click'  and I wrote 'click'." 


2) Customer   : "I received the software update you sent, 
                 but I am still getting the same error  message." 
Tech Support   : "Did you install the update?" 
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" 


3)Customer  : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." 
Tech Support   : "Tell me what you've done." 
Customer   : "I typed 'A: SETUP'." 
Tech Support   : "Ma'am, remove the disk and  tell me what it says." 
Customer   : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." 
Tech Support   : "Insert the MS Word setup disk." 
Customer   : "What?" 
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" 
Customer: "No..." 


4).Customer   : "Do I need a computer to use your software?" 
Tech Support  : ?!%#$   (welll pretend to smile) 


5).Tech Support   : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
                    canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?" 
Customer   : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Tech support   :  ##### *** 


6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?" 
Customer   : "A white one." 
Tech support  :  ******_____#### 


7). Tech Support   : "What operating system are  you running?" 

Customer   : "Pentium." 

Tech support   :  ////-----+++ 

8). Customer   : "My computer's telling me I   performed an illegal abortion." 
Tech support   :  ?????? 


9).Cus tomer   : "I have Microsoft Exploder." 

Tech Support  : ?!%#$ 

10).Customer   : "How do I print my voicemail?" 

Tech support   :  ?????? 


11). Customer   : "You've got to fix my computer.  
                   I urgently need to print document, 
				   but the computer won't boot properly." 

Tech Support   : "What does it say?" 

Customer   : "Something about an error and non-system disk." 

Tech Support   : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" 

Customer   : "No, but there's a sticker saying  there's an Intel inside." 

Tech support   :  @@@@@ 

12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if  there's a problem. We're open 24 hours." 

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?" 


13). Tech Support   : "What does the screen say  now?" 

Customer   : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." 

Tech Support   : "Well?" 

Customer   : "How do I know when it's ready?" 

Tech support   :  *** ---- ++++ 

The best of the lot 

14). A plain computer illiterate   guy rings   
     tech support to report that his computer is faulty. 

Tech: What's the problem? 

User: There is smoke coming out of the power  supply. 

Tech:   (keeps quite for moment) 

Tech: You'll need a new power supply. 

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the  startup files. 

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll  need to replace it. 

User: No way! Someone told me that I just  needed to 
      change the startup and it will fix the problem! 
      All I need is for you to tell me the  command. 

Tech support:: 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. 
               The tech is frustrated and fed up. 

Tech support::(hush hush) 
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our   customers this, 
      but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem. 

User: I knew it! 

Tech   : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM <> 
         at  the end of the CONFIG.SYS. 
		 Let  me know how it goes. 10 minutes later. 

User   : It didn't work. The power supply is  still smoking. 

Tech   : Well, what version of DOS are you using? 

User   : MS-DOS 6.22. 

Tech   : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. 
         Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. 
		 Let me know how it goes. 

1 hour later. 

User  : I need a new power supply. 

Tech support  : How did you come to that conclusion? 

Tech support  :  (hush hush) 

User   : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him  about what you said, 
         and he started asking questions about the make of power supply. 

Tech: Then what did he say? 

User: He told me that my power supply isn't  compatible with NOSMOKE. 


H eight Of all (Too Good) 

15) customer care officer : I need a product identification number right now 
    and may I help u in finding it out? 

Cust: sure 

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'? 

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
By beatsoftech

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